Learning to Breathe…

Recently I experienced a bit of a health scare that I did not see coming.  It was early on a Thursday morning, around 5AM when I felt a tightness in my chest that I had never felt before.  It was painful and I couldn’t get it to stop.  It felt different than any other pain I had felt in my life and given a history of heart problems in my family, I instantly began to worry that perhaps I was having a heart attack.  I woke my husband to let him know I was heading to the hospital, drudged out to the car and headed down over the hill to the emergency room (we live 5 minutes away).  Upon entry to the triage, I was instantly hooked up to machines and an EKG test was done to ensure there was no active heart attack.  Thankfully, there was nothing sinister going on with my heart but I had to stay for a while so they could keep an eye on things. 

While waiting, and still feeling pain, I experienced not one but two intense panic attacks; complete with hyperventilating and black-outs.  I don’t remember much about it, only that I felt like I was suffocating and I couldn’t reason with what was going on.  It was scary!  Several hours after entering the emergency room, I would learn from the Doctor that my heart was good, my blood pressure was good, I was good!  But then what happened?  What was wrong with me?  Turns out that I was exhausted.  Just plain and simple at the end of my rope.  A few sedatives later, my husband shuffled me out the hospital doors, drove me home and I slept for four hours.  I don’t remember much more than that.

How is it possible that sometimes we think we are invincible?  I didn’t see that coming at all and when it did, it broadsided me!  I often feel that as a Mom, I have to be everything, everywhere for everybody.  Strong when I need to be and soft when things are tough.  Always moving forward, being positive, setting a good example and inspiring.  But right there in the middle of all of that, I fell apart!  Now I know this isn’t the first time I’ve felt the pressure of life, but to this extent, it just wasn’t pleasant at all.  When it was all said and done, it would take me a few days to fully come to terms with what had happened; and when I’d feel that anxiety rise in my chest again, I would have to take some deep breaths and pray before it got worse.  I even downloaded a breathing app on my phone to help me learn to breathe.

Learning to breathe.  What a concept eh?  When we are born, the very first thing we do is take a deep breath and then usually scream it out.  We breathe in order to live.  It’s not even hard to do because our brains are wired that way.  We breathe deeply when we are content.  We breathe more shallowly when we are running, exercising, singing or shouting.  But this experience has reminded me about learning to breathe in a spiritual way.  Perhaps not just breathing with our head but also with our hearts.

You see, God promises us hope and peace.  He asks us to look to Him for everything we need.  He asks us to trust Him with the hard stuff.  But like so many others (and I know you’re out there), I tend to pick it back up because maybe God isn’t moving fast enough for me or maybe not in the way I wanted.  I think that perhaps I can handle it better and quicker if I just go about my life without checking in with Him.  And after years and years of making that same mistake, I find myself in the place again of stress and anxiety because I’ve forgotten to breathe.

Can I encourage you today to breathe in the presence of God?  How do you do that, you ask?  Find time today.  Find time to sit in the quiet or maybe with some worship music on in the background.  Take some deep breaths and every time you exhale thank God for something in your life.  Thank him for your family, you partner, your job.  Thank Him for the colours of the Fall leaves, the smell of salt water, the brush of wind on your face.  Thank Him for peace, for hope, for love.  With each exhale, praise the one that makes it all possible.  That promises to never leave you trapped in your struggles but always moves in the direction of His perfect plan.  And don’t just do this today.  Do it everyday.  Try to find a small window of time everyday to breathe.  Stretch those spiritual muscles and dive deeper into His presence.

Are you anxious today?  Here is God’s promise for you…

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (NIV)

God is here for you.  Don’t ever forget that you can trust Him.  

Blessings for today,

April

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