The Hard Stuff

“Well maybe this is another chapter for your book,” my husband mused.  “Maybe I don’t want to write anymore chapters,” was my reply as I let a few tears escape.

Ever feel like that?  Like I’m not talking “I don’t want to live anymore type stuff” but like “please God get me off this roller coaster. I can’t stand the inertia of these moments or this time right now”. 

It’s what we call the “hard stuff”.  And it can range from things like a break up, loss of job or an injury to a marriage breakdown, financial catastrophe or loss of a loved one.  And I don’t know about you, but as I get older (& wiser, maybe) the hard stuff seems to come more frequently and it feels harder somehow. 

I like to think that I’m a pretty strong person.  I’ve sort of always lived by the motto of “never let them see you cry.”  Working in a relatively male dominated industry will do that to you. But lately, I’ve noticed a softening there.  A more tender and gentle approach to the overwhelming.  My kids laugh at me now these days.  “Oh, there goes Mom.  She’s gonna cry again!”  In the past year I’ve cried when I’ve run into people that I haven’t seen in a while, I’ve cried when looking at old photos, I’ve cried during worship services at church, I’ve cried while reading verses from the Bible, I’ve cried at those YouTube videos (you know the ones, where the military person has come home and been re-united with their dog or kids), I’ve even cried at Super Bowl commercials!  It’s insane!  But there’s something special going on in all of it, or at least I think.

Many years ago when I was a ‘tween, I received a gift from a favourite Aunt of mine (who shall remain nameless 😉).  She worked in a Christian Book Store and so she would send off, in the mail, such beautiful and special gifts to my sister and myself.  This particular year for my birthday I received a wall hanging in my favourite colour.  It was about 7”x9” in size on thick card stock and the top & bottom had wooden frame pieces attached to it.  The top had a pretty piece of corded ribbon so you could hang it up.  It almost looked like a scroll if you can imagine.  It was mauve in colour and had an artist’s rendering of some beautiful lilacs across the white background.  And the text in scripted letters said, “The trials in life are not meant to make you fail, but to see how far you can fly.”  As a twelve-year-old, I don’t think I really understood what that meant.  I don’t think I was really going through any trials perse.  Maybe other than what I was going to wear or what my friends were up to. It was more a nice gift from someone I loved and so I hung it in my room and went on with my days.  That wall hanging was in my room for many years and when I got married and moved away from home, I brought it with me.  I don’t have it hanging up anymore.  It’s in a box of my keepsakes, the things I treasure most in life.  But that quote has stuck with me for all these years. 

You see the hard stuff is hard.  And we’ve all got some.  This little blog of mine was not intended to list all the good and bad in my own personal life.  But more so to identify that perhaps we are all on the same roller coaster.  And it’s less about comparing our victories and defeats and more about just sitting on that roller coaster, white knuckled and just barely hanging on but together.  With a common understanding that the hard stuff is hard. 

And here is what I know to be true.  Yes, the hard stuff is hard.  The circumstances can seem overwhelming and come at you faster than you can process them.  But God is there, right in the midst of the darkness that you feel.  He is an anchor in the stormy waters to keep you from rocking or drifting away.  I’ve seen Him move enough in my own life to testify this to be true.  Isaiah 40:31 (NLT) says “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary.   They will walk and not faint.”  So what I’m saying here is “TRUST”. Trust that you are exactly where you need to be (even though it doesn’t feel that way).  Trust that there is a grander design to these moments and you will have a great testimony of God’s faithfulness through the hard stuff.  Trust that this will make you stronger & wiser but also more compassionate and gentle.  See, as you embrace the hard stuff and learn to trust, you will start to feel that gentleness form in your heart and mind.  You may even cry more like me! 

Hey, I’ll see you guys on the roller coaster!  We’ll do this together!

Blessings,

April

Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)  For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.