I’ve always been a pretty careful planner. I’m fairly organized and I like to be able to look at the week ahead and get a full picture of what’s expected. Between working responsibilities, school engagements, church & kids’ extra-curricular activities, if I don’t have a clear snap shot as to what’s going on, something will get missed and with three kids & a husband, something being missed can be pretty catastrophic. I’ve got a pretty decent system too. Tried & true. Many times friends have asked me, how do you manage it all? How do you keep it all together? Truth? I don’t. My system fails. Often. I fall apart. Often. But I love this precious life & those I’ve been entrusted too. And so when I fail, I brush off & keep moving! So ever since this pandemic began, my ‘fairly organized’ system has been thrown into complete disarray. The routine has been compromised and I’ve been left, like so many others, just taking it a day at a time.
One of my favourite things before all of this, was browsing through the Indigo Store! I love everything about it. I love that you can grab a Starbucks. I love the smell of it. I love the endless rows of hard cover & soft cover information. But most of all, I love the “paper” section. You know what I’m talking about? The note pads, pens, pencil cases, clip boards, journals, lap desks, designer push pins & paper clips and so much more! All in extraordinary matching patterns of soft blues & grays & petal pinks so delicious you must have them all! I LOVE this section of the store. It’s where I got this gorgeous 2020 Agenda. It’s the perfect Agenda. Might I say the nicest one they had there. It’s a soft faux leather with rose gold foil lettering that says TWO THOUSAND and TWENTY agenda in the most sophisticated, grown up way. I love everything about it and it’s mine. And the only thing I love more about it, is that I got in on sale! If there isn’t one thing I love more than Indigo, it’s a good deal! Can I get an Amen?
Sadly though, for several weeks now, I haven’t touched it. It’s been sitting on my dresser in the bedroom. I walk by it everyday. I see it sitting there but I can’t bare to pick it up. The idea that I have no use for it right now, has become something rather unbearable and so it just sits there. This morning, I decided I was going to be brave. To pick it up and remind myself where I left off. What was going on the week that our world stopped? The only complaint that I would have about this gorgeous Agenda, is that it should have a beautiful pink ribbon down the middle to act as a bookmark of sorts. A place where I could easily refer to where I need to be in the year. But I still love my Agenda! So instead, I’ve used a rather crude yellow sticky note to mark the place where I need to go quickly. I opened it quite gingerly and carefully. As though maybe I was opening some book of ages. Some wealth of knowledge. And there it was hitting me like a ton of bricks. My own hand-writing showing me the ‘stuff’ we had done or were doing that week. The excitement and clamour of Grade 7 Market Day. The meal prep night with a dear friend where we laughed and planned for another date minus our kids. The Basketball wrap party and the impending hockey tournament. The last of the season & Imogen’s first ever. And that ugly yellow sticky note that marked its place. It was also just the beginning of Spring Break & two glorious weeks for the kids to have no schedule, no plans, lots of snuggles & a few road trips sprinkled in. It would be a time for Spring Break Camp, Maddie’s first year at City Reach & an epic conference weekend for her in Abbotsford.
But we never got to Friday. We never experienced the hockey tournament, the conference, the camp, the road trips, the plans. That’s where my Agenda ceases to provide details of a normally abundant life of joy & ‘busy-ness’.
It brought tears to my eyes (and does even now). The loss, the grieving of the things that were to come. The anticipation of things that would never become reality. A new reality. And a different kind of joy. One that ebbs and flows. One that’s mingled with grief & frustration. I have loved these weeks at home. I’m so grateful for my job and my boss. I’m so grateful for the kids’ school who has worked so diligently to make plans for online learning. They are heroes and are working through something they never planned or trained for. I’m grateful for our country who has taken this threat very seriously and provided for the needs of its people. So much to be thankful for! SO MUCH! And although, it is hard. And yes, there are days I lock myself in the bathroom and cry! Like for real. Ugly cry. I know how much value there is in these moments. In these days that feel similar to the movie Groundhog Day. We will get by. It’s only for a season.
So today, I’m deciding to pick up this Agenda. I’ve decided to start writing new things in there on those blank spaces. Like maybe today I’ll write “watch movie with the family” or “cut the lawn” or “bake brownies”. And maybe that will be okay. Because someday, I think I’m going to want to look back on all of this and remember the stuff that we did. Remember the belly laughs when Sam somehow one the Game of Life even though he parked his car last and walked away with over $4 million dollars. I’m going to want to remember the cherry chocolate squares that Madeleine invented and perfected (and the pounds that I gained eating them – well maybe not that). I’m going to want to remember the family hikes. I’m going to want to remember the silly arguments that only made us stronger as a couple and as a family. I’m going to want to remember it all.
And what better way to do that, then in a gorgeous journal, that I hand-picked myself from one of my favourite places that was on sale?
Blessings,
April
Embrace The Delay 